Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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