You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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