Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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