What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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