his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Found the puke drawer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
