Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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