first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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