Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So many bounce houses so little time
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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