yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
