I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!