yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.