I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
