you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
