Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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