Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
