it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
