He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
