Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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