I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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