When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
