Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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