just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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