he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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