So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
