that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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