you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
