When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
