she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
