Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
