he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
