Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
