this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
