i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
