oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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