T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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