My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
