I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
