I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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