I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
