cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
COCAINE IS GR8
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
