you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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