Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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