why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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