Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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