Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
