she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
