Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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