Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
