please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
its liver damage thursday
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
