Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
