break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
