I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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