just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay