My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
