Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
