Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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