I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
