Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love you. Go after that dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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