yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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