we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
