He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
