i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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