Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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