Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
