i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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