one might say we're banned from that church
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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