My room smells like vodka and shame
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
