also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
